The government today praised the Mayor of London’s latest initiative to reduce unemployment in the capital. As of January 2008 the mayor in partnership with TFL will aim to have at least one drunk riding each public transport vehicle in the capital. By 2012 Mr. Livingstone hopes to have the initiative rolled-out over the whole of greater London. The scheme has been titled One Carriage One drunk. [Read more →]

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21):

This month your stars will slowly steal your love of football, forcing you to face the fact that the beautiful game is not an adequate substitute for religion. You will face a growing urge to join a monastic order in the run up to Christmas.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

I know its sad, you are just too old to get a Christmas stocking, get a paltry few days off for Christmas instead of the two and half weeks you used to get as a child, are expected to buy presents for people instead of having your Mum buy presents for elderly relatives on your behalf. But look on the bright side, your arse has a date with the company photocopier come the Christmas party…

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Once upon a time in a land not that far away there lived three magical teddy bears. They were a happy trio of brothers who all lived and worked together in a little shop. There was Muh, the oldest, next was Ham, and the youngest was called Mad. Muh, Ham, & Mad, lived in a hot country called Sudan, where the sun shone brightly and the whole country was like a giant sand pit. It was such a great place to live and Muh, Ham, and Mad had lots of fun every day building sand castles. [Read more →]

As the Christmas inter-house competition comes to its closing few weeks at Westminster Spires Special School (WSSS) the question on everyone’s lips in the corridor is who gets to take home the school mascot Flopsy for Christmas?

Since the departure of our head-boy to pastures new to study Middle-Eastern studies at The American University in Baghdad not all has been well in our hallowed halls. Timmy Blair won his Scholarship to the university of his choice after successfully completing a two week work experience placement in the Ulster branch of The Co-op. His winning report entitled ‘Why can’t we all get along’ confirmed his place. He told the school newspaper on receiving the university placement “Gosh, I really feel that my two weeks in Ulster have given me a real insight into the world of work, and that I have built up some great transferable skills for my CV. What’s more, I work well in a team as well as under my own initiative”. [Read more →]

Virgo (August 23 – September 22): Your pure and chaste image will be tainted forever today when you are caught with Brian from customer relations in the stationary cupboard. Small tip, try the disabled toilets; it has a lock on the door and handy bars for more imaginative positions.
Libra (September 23 – October 22): Today will be the day you regret becoming a drug dealer. You will forget that your scales needed new batteries causing a rather violent customer to rubix cube your face, after he discovers that you have inadvertently ripped him off. [Read more →]